Breakups throw most people into a funk. Of course if you’re super excited to “finally be rid of that dirt bag”, then maybe you’re throwing a party and aren’t in a funk at all. Then again, you probably wouldn’t be here right now reading this, if that was the case.
There’s no doubt, breakups hurt! They hurt like hell. The pain. The broken self-esteem. The anger and disappointment can almost be too much to bear sometimes.
Many times, the pain is associated with being scared; being scared at the idea of permanently losing someone you truly care about. You know you’ll miss your boyfriend or girlfriend. The thought of being alone scares you. The thought of them with someone else scares you.
Perhaps author, John Green, said it best, “You can love someone so much…But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.” That makes a lot of sense.
The “missing” often causes the pain, but the “missing” can also ruin your chances of getting back together. How so? Because it often causes people to over-react to their emotions. It causes them to rush when they should take their time. It causes them to say and do the wrong things spur of the moment, instead of looking at the situation calmly and rationally.
The fear of being without your ex can often cause you to “jump the gun” trying to get them back. You become needy and desperate. You beg, plead, apologize, and lose your backbone. Ultimately, you become undesirable.
Relationships, and especially breakups, don’t work that way. Quite the opposite is true. The more you try to chase and convince your ex, the more you repel them.
With that in mind, let’s look at some of the most common mistakes people make when they get dumped. These are things not to do while trying to get your ex back. They can ruin your chances of repairing the relationship in a hurry.
1. Do Not Chase Your Ex
We touched on it earlier, but one of the biggest mistakes people make is “chasing” their ex in an effort to convince them to come back. Chasing takes on a lot of different forms. It can include showing up at their house or place of work uninvited. It can be repeatedly sending texts or making phone calls. It can be apologizing over and over again for the same thing.
If your ex wants to leave, let him or her go. Cut off contact. If you want your ex back, let them miss you. You don’t need to do the convincing. Their own mind will do all the convincing for you when they start to wonder what you’re doing and who you might be with now that they aren’t around.
Oh, and never send these types of text to your ex…
2. Do Not Propose To Your Ex
This may sound a little funny, but it happens more than you might think. It’s more a problem for men, but it’s a problem nonetheless.
If your girlfriend dumps you, don’t try to win her back by proposing. You may think it’s the ultimate symbol of your love for her, but if she broke up with you, the last thing she’s thinking about is marrying you. It will only add more stress to an already stressful situation.
3. Do Not Send Your Ex Gifts
Flowers. Rings. Chocolates. Cars. Don’t even think about it. Trying to “buy” your way back into the relationship doesn’t work. It will only make your ex resent you. This isn’t the Mexican Police, so don’t try to bribe your way out of the situation.
4. Do Not Write A Novel Explaining All The Things You Did Wrong
If you did something wrong, apologize once, say you were wrong, and leave it at that. You don’t need to write the breakup version of “War and Peace” to get your ex back.
Something as simple as a card or handwritten note that just says “I was wrong. I’m sorry,” is much more effective than pouring your heart out on paper. Your ex doesn’t want a recap of everything that’s gone wrong in the relationship so they can relive all those horrible feelings. Keep things short and sweet. This is one reason using text messages to get your ex back is incredibly effective when done in the right way.
5. Do Not Pretend To Be Pregnant
Alright ladies, this one is for you. (Guys, you can fake being pregnant if you want, but your girlfriend definitely isn’t going to believe you. J)
Just like men sometimes propose to try and keep their girlfriend around, women sometimes fake being pregnant to try and keep a guy around. It doesn’t work.
It makes you look pathetic. It makes you a liar, and it’s just mean. So don’t do it. The same is true of saying something horrible like, “I’m going to kill myself if you leave me.” Never try to blackmail your ex into staying.
Avoid the 5 mistakes above and half the battle is already won. If you need additional help, there are several good guides out there that can help you get your ex back step by step. Get this one if you can.